13 reasons I finally decided to take the COVID jab. Number 9 will blow your mind!

So excited, and my nurse is LGBTIQA+!

Update: April Fools’ joke. I didn’t get the jab and I don’t have a husband.

This would seem a bit odd considering much of OTN’s focus has been on the inadequacy and even harmfulness of the COVID-19 vaccines. But after looking at the evidence thoroughly these past few years I have decided to finally take the jab, along with my non-binary pansexual Muslim husband (ze is here illegally from Syria). To make it extra special, I got my first jab yesterday, commemorating Easter, Ramadan, and President Biden’s Transgender Day of Visibility! Here are some of my reasons:

• It is necessary because the official death rate from COVID, which was probably exaggerated all along, now is akin to the death rates of typical colds and flus.

• Negative effectiveness (jab increases COVID infection, hospitalisation, and death) seems really useful at this time.

• The potential trade off for all this awesomeness is only a bunch of (other) adverse effects, including life-long cardiac problems, and possibly cancer and death.

• Making big profits for Big Pharma is particularly attractive, because I adore soulless profit-driven companies run by sociopaths, for whom billions of dollars is never enough, while I sit here with less than minimum wage income.

• All the lies from our leaders, the experts, the media, and absolute incompetents and randoms who for some reason have been given a starring role, especially Dr Donuts Hotez and Bill Gates’ man boobs, give me confidence that they all have our breast interests at heart.

• I get off on doing whatever corrupt politicians and fake news media outlets tell me to do. Jab me harder, daddy!

• Being a scab is noble, making life just that little bit more difficult for those remaining unjabbed, particularly those fired over the jab mandates. You know the ones, they just refuse to die, from COVID, from suddenly, from whatever! Because screw them and their freedoms, amirite?!

Anyway, enjoy the day, and don’t forget to take your 27th booster!

Okay then.

Extra: Relax, check the date - Antipodeans live 1 day in the future. I haven’t been blessed by the Pfaith, and will not lap up every last drop of genetic goodness, no matter how often Saint Pfauci (MBUH) tells me to. Remember, as sayeth by the great prophet in Pfizeriah 3:16, which should have the Branch Covidians asking all sorts of questions, the chosen ones are still, now in 2024, trying to “determine if COMIRNATY is safe and effective, and if there is a myocarditis/pericarditis association that should be noted”. For some of the latest peer-reviewed science on the COVID-19 vaccines, click here.